There have been a lot of funny moments...some that can be shared and others that cannot, but amidst them all is a sense of restlessness from grandpa. Tonight, I discovered and understood its origin...
The past is long held as a time of family; a life was considered lived if one had cared for the basic needs of their children. In creating that life, one hoped that their children would, in turn, someday care for them. And even more that their final days would be found in the home they had built to comfort and protect their family. For grandpa, life has dealt him a different finish. At home with us, he is not within the comfort and protection of what he built and is not being cared for by those he met the basic needs of. He is having a hard time with this and continues to wrestle with the idea of being wanted by his own children. It came to a very tearful moment tonight, when I simply had to express that I would meet his needs in any way that would bring happiness to him even if it meant him moving back home and us seeking resources such as in home care to provide for him. As much as it hurts my heart and goes against my want to care for him, I have to recognize and understand his battles beyond his health...those emotional needs that he has. The conversations will continue and I will, in a selfish way, hang on to keep him at our home for as long as I possibly can, but will continue to be internally conflicted about what he needs and what I think he needs.
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