I am an imperfect public servant.
Physically, I've come to know all of the sitting and laying angles possible in lightly padded chairs with various prints. Financially, I've invested in the warmth of coffee, soup and pumpkin, cranberry, walnut bread. Spiritually, I've wrapped myself in faithful, silent conversations with Her and my people (see "Identifying Her" #laterblog). Emotionally, well....if you've spent time in a hospital, you and I are metaphorically holding hands right now because you know all of those feels. This is all just context for the real lesson learned in that noisy, silent space...dropped pebbles: the intentional awareness of others on my journey.
In that noisy, silent space that is the hospital, I heard the frustrated chatter about a family member that had called for the 52nd time in 152 minutes to ask the same question. I saw the annoyed mockery of another person asking for another thing. I felt the weight of the heart work on the deflated shoulders of those public servants. And in those actions, those moments when they publicly served unaware of others, they dropped their pebble(s).
I hesitated before calling to check in on him when I was out of town working. I paused before asking for that glass of ice water and sponges to wet his lips. I turned my face to hide the tears filling my eyes as the information processed in my brain. Their pebbles made ripples in my heart.
And then...epiphany...I have judged with my eyes. I've juried with my heart. I've sentenced with my words. And in those actions, I have dropped my pebbles. And my pebbles have made ripples. And I, too, was unaware of the person who would hesitate before calling me, pause before asking me for something of need, and turn their face to not lay their emotion on my shoulders. But this is not how I intend to serve and this is not the impact (ripple) I want to make. I am an imperfect public servant seeking to be more intentionally aware of others.
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